The Best Part of Waking Up Is Pinkie In Your Cup
by Cerulean Pen
Summary: Perhaps it would be best to stick to orange juice, as suggested by a party pony's unexpected caffeine-fueled rampage…


The Best Part of Waking Up Is Pinkie In Your Cup

Summary: Perhaps it would be best to stick to orange juice, as suggested by a party pony's unexpected caffeine-fueled rampage…

English Friendship/Humor Rated: K+ Chapters:1 Words: Pinkie Pie

"Are ya sure this is gonna work?"

"You kidding me? That's not just any cupcake, that's a cupcake with chocolate icing and rainbow sprinkles. Anypony would be crazy not to stop and taste this."

"Oh yeah? Then how can we be sure some other pony doesn't come over and eat it before her?"

The lavender-coiffed unicorn sputtered apprehensively as Scootaloo raised an excellent observation, abashedly shuffling her petite hooves and evading eye contact with the pegasus. "Well, maybe no one else will come," she suggested feebly, earning only dismissing eye rolls from her young companions. For the first occasion is nearly six months, the eminent Cutie Mark Crusaders were not concocting an outlandish scheme to earn said personal insignias. In fact, anypony happening to trot by would be utterly baffled as to why the three mares were crouched over a delicious pastry in a darkened Sugar Cube Corner.

"Gimme a break," Scootaloo grumbled, inadvertently fluttering her tiny, taut wings, as if the mere prospect of remaining stationary over the scraggly rope was too excruciating for the expanding feathers to tolerate. "Somepony is definitely going to just waltz in here, find us, and take a bite." Indeed, the orange pegasus was accurate, as it was highly atypical for Sugar Cube Corner to be inoperative during the sunniest of days. It would only be a matter of minutes before one of Pinkie Pie's unique acquaintances would stroll by, and uncover their strategy.

Such character was none other then Twilight Sparkle, who had previously been visiting Applejack to purchase a heliotrope saddle bag worth of vermillion apples. She was enthused for several hours of studying her newest guide to magic, and having a healthy snack for both her and her associates was vital. The lavender mare jovially trotted past Sugar Cube Corner, halting in her tracks the moment she noticed the dimmed lights. "That's odd," Twilight Sparkle murmured aloud, advancing curiously towards the front oak doors, "Pinkie Pie would've told me if the bakery was closed."

The unicorn used her snout to gingerly push her way into the structure, impulsively squinting as her wide eyes struggled to adjust. "Hello?" she spoke, striving to sound intrepid, despite the fact she was a bit frightened by the absence of Pinkie Pie and the Cakes.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders, spooked beyond their wits, elicited simultaneous shrieks of fear, scrambling to form a quivering mass, arms around each other. Twilight Sparkle raised an eyebrow, reaching out to switch on the lights, finding the fillies kneeling over a sad lump of icing and batter that had been ultimately smashed against the tiles proceeding their abrupt actions. "My little ponies? What in Equestria are you doing?"

"I…uh, we were, er, playin' a game," Sweetie Belle fabricated tensely, clamping her teeth together to form a forced grin that rendered their plot transparent. Apple Bloom slammed a hoof to her forehead, becoming frustrated with Sweetie Belle's fibbing impediment. "I mean, it was just a game, and…and we…"

"Girls, unless Pinkie Pie has turned invisible, I don't see why you're here," Twilight Sparkle said charily, glancing about the scope, finding every sprinkle in place, excluding the empty can of coffee. She found this ordinary, as the Cakes, like other adult ponies, enjoyed the bitter taste; Twilight Sparkle preferred a sweeter brew. "Applejack was wondering where you were Apple Bloom, and it isn't good for-SWEET CELESTIA!"

Using her beloved queen's name in vain was perhaps the least of Twilight Sparkle's concerns, as she leapt three feet in the air, grasped a nearby muffin tin between her jaws, and sprinted like a jaguar towards the center of the room. At a speed that would make a Wonderbolt envious, Twilight Sparkle lunged forward, raised the baking implement high-

_SNAP!_

Pinkie Pie's perfectly robust tray was obliterated in a shower of potentially hazardous shrapnels, but gratefully, she had successfully disengaged the steel _bear trap _the three had managed to prepare. The school-aged foals all cringed, bracing themselves for the full pinnacle of Twilight Sparkle's normally bottled rage as the quivering unicorn gradually turned around. "What…were you thinking?" she inquired mutedly, advancing upon the terrified trio who all blanched to the point where they looked as if they had received death sentences.

"Ah…Ah was just, we-we…"

"What?" Twilight Sparkle interrupted vociferously, progressively growing angrier as she gestured to the previously fatal bear trap. "You just decided to camp out here with the most dangerous weapon in all of Equestria? Are you trying to get your Cutie Marks in murder? Girls, honestly, I am very disappointed in you. This is utterly ridiculous! I-I…" Her reprimanding tone fell flat when she took into account the unholy horror contorting her charges visages. "Girls? Girls, are you-"

"LOOK OUT TWILIGHT!"

Scootaloo's voice reached an octave and decibel that nearly shattered all brittle matter nearby, diving recklessly behind a granite island for security. Twilight Sparkle scarcely blinked before she was knocked off the floor with the sheer force of an incensed pit bull, a roseate blur speeding by and thieving the cupcake as it went. In meager seconds, the anonymous attacker had vanished, leaving nothing but the front door swinging forcibly. Scootaloo was first to abandon their impromptu shelter, creeping tentatively to the fallen mare's side. "Um, Twilight?"

The battered heap emitted a faint moan, shakily raising her head from the tiles, something of a vehement scowl mangling her expression. Twilight Sparkle inhaled deeply as to not verbally lash out as her trained mind swiftly pieced their situation together. Unsteadily rising, she curtly herded the guilty threesome into the sunlight, keeping a perpetually certain stride.

"I don't care what you say girls, but I am not letting Pinkie become a pony freight train."

:::::

"And that means only to school and back, no where else. Do ya hear me Apple Bloom, 'cause Ah could always get Big Macintosh to teach ya a lesson."

"Right, and no Crusader meetings for two weeks."

"Aw, but why?" Sweetie Belle whined, only for Rarity to discharge a glare so sharp it could've effortlessly snapped the young pony clean in half. She whimpered, retreating to join her equally ashamed peers as they shuffled alongside the three admonishing ponies. Twilight Sparkle surveyed the partially vacant town square ahead, the six pausing to aid her in her search for the caffeine-hyped miscreant doubtlessly reigning unimaginable pandemonium over Ponyville.

"Why? Y'all wanna know why? Ya let a pony who can barely eat a waffle without getting the jitters chug a whole pot of coffee! Ah hope y'all learned a lesson, 'cause we ain't gonna be as nice as we are this time!" Applejack threatened irately, spittle torpedoing from a pallid tongue that could scarcely articulate past the leather rope clamped between her jaws. "Ah don't even wanna where ya got the bear trap."

"We already told you!" Scootaloo shouted indignantly, flaring her diminutive wings for effect. "Apple Bloom suggested we be taste testers, and we found this brown powder in the bakery, and we followed the directions on the box. I wasn't sure if it was hot chocolate or not, so we asked Pinkie Pie to taste it and see. We thought she'd be all right after one cup, but after the second one…there was no stopping her."

"Girls!" Twilight Sparkle hushed them with a single syllable, instinctively lowering to the earth, peering about. In the distance, a myriad of shrieks, ranging from the merely surprised to grating screams of horror that extended past vocal cord feasibility rang out. "She's coming this way," she whispered, "everypony prepare for impact."

Applejack and Rarity obliged, reluctantly scooting adjacent to one another in attempt to form a barrier that would defend their ingenuous siblings. Carrot Top galloped dementedly away from the neighboring shopping district, frothy scarlet icing matting her moderately lime coat. "Run, run for your lives!" she wailed feverishly, racing headlong past the quaint grove of shops and ululating as if the cobblestones had split, revealing the bowels of hell.

"…Ah gotta feelin' she's around," Applejack deadpanned, peering past a fallen blonde tress that she was incapable of brushing away at the moment. A throng of yelping colts cantered by like greased lightning, and the racket of Pinkie Pie's horseshoes clanking against the soil reached their ears. In her exuberant, sugar-rushed glory, Pinkamena Diane Pie rushed with a wide smile usually found on mental patients. The five instinctively cowered, but Twilight Sparkle valiantly stomped her front appendages, setting her expression to be concrete, yet sympathetic.

"Pinkie Pie, STOP!"

To the Crusader's and their elder doubles tremendous astonishment, Pinkie Pie ground to a cessation, coming snout to snout with her friend. The party pony stumbled backwards, kicking clods of earth up, maintaining her chillingly jovial smile. Aside from the fact her cerulean eyes had enlarged to the size of dinner plates and she was twitching like a paranoid schizophrenic, Pinkie Pie appeared fine. "H-h-h-hi Twilight," she stammered, quivering as if the planet was quaking beneath them, pupils narrowing until they resembled a pair of green peas.

"Hey Pinkie Pie," Twilight greeted serenely, taking an assured step forward, even though she was internally fearful of her friend's caffeine rampage. "It's good to see you, how are you?" Pinkie Pie began to convulse once more, on the verge of bursting as the coffee roared through her bloodstream, bouncing wildly. "Now Pinkie Pie, I just want you to stand still for a tiny second, you won't feel a thing, I swear." Applejack acted on cue, depositing the leather harness into Twilight Sparkle's hold, and she unhooked it, hesitantly moving forward. "Now, don't move, you won't feel a thing…"

:::::

There hadn't been a breeze the entire afternoon, for Rainbow Dash felt the zenith of the gales as she raced through the cornflower sky, audaciously completing a barrel roll that flattened her multihued locks. She plummeted towards the earth, smirking victoriously as the translucent clouds disappeared, revealing a petrified Fluttershy. Gasping for breath, Rainbow Dash rose belly up into the stratosphere, clumsily whirling her limbs before she caught herself.

"Fluttershy!" she exclaimed in repressed fury, approaching the paralyzed pegasus that shrank beneath Rainbow Dash's irritated tone. "You should've moved out of the way so I wouldn't pancake you." She scrutinized Fluttershy's tearful expression, softening her glare and settling back on her haunches. "Did you have something to tell me?"

"I-I'm sorry," Fluttershy instantly apologized, concealing her cyan eyes behind her curled mane, "but I haven't seen Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, or Rarity all day. There's been some sort of screaming coming from downtown, and I was wondering if you had heard anything." She timidly glanced back up at Rainbow Dash, who felt that identical flare of utter compassion for Fluttershy when it came to her sweetness.

"Well, I was up in the clouds napping earlier, and practicing some moves, so I haven't seen them," Rainbow Dash explained, "we can check downtown if there's any trouble." The winged duo headed where Fluttershy swore she could hear shrieks, and as Rainbow Dash took notice of their surroundings, she realized that the roads were abnormally vacant. "That's weird, where is everypony?"

"I-"

"HELP!"

Both froze dead in their tracks, watching in shock as the most bizarre of any scene was displayed. It must be taken into account that the lives of Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash were rather eventful, and the friends had experienced several jaw-slacking moments. This was _definitely _one of those times.

Pinkie Pie, though with a durable leash knotted around her throat, was effortlessly dragging Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Applejack, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo, each clinging to either one another or the bridle. The foals screeched in sync, regretting creating the hyperactive creature; being punished meant nothing anymore, as they were primarily focused on surviving. Pinkie Pie cackled maniacally, practically spilling over with jubilancy that could not be matched by a young girl receiving tickets to Disney World on her birthday.

"Whoa!" Rainbow Dash bellowed, finding the incident to be hilarious, chortling to herself as she flew forward, striving to wrestle the six from the strap. It was potentially dangerous releasing Pinkie Pie at the rate she was running, but Rainbow had no time for configuring the math of her actions: She bit down on Twilight Sparkle's violet tale, yanking her off. Setting off a chain reaction, the others proceeded to stumble over one another, shouting all the while. Apple Bloom soared backwards into Fluttershy's tender embrace, scared beyond literacy as she choked on words. Her mane, like her fellow Cutie Mark Crusaders, was entangled with soil and foliage, and was scraped at a multitude of joints.

Rainbow Dash abandoned the shaken fillies to pursue Pinkie Pie, who giggled madly, hopping like a rabbit that had been placed on a grill of scorching coals. "Get back here!" Rainbow hollered, readying to tackle the roseate pony, and careering forward. She belly-flopped, expecting to feel the shape of a crumpled Pinkie Pie; her innards shook from the impact of the ground. "Pinkie Pie, get over here!"

"Catch me Dashie if you can, can't catch me, I'm the Pinkie Pie Girl!" Pinkie Pie sang teasingly, and Rainbow Dash threw her weight towards where the uncontrolled pony had stood a minute ago. She ultimately missed any chance of pinning Pinkie Pie down, but the two went flying into a broad pine tree, the spectators all wincing at the dull thud that came with the skulls colliding with the substantial trunk.

"At least she stopped moving," Twilight Sparkle sighed in respite, motioning to the now unconscious Pinkie Pie, who occasionally jerked in her rest, nudging the out cold Rainbow Dash. "Now if we can just get rid of all the coffee in Ponyville before she wakes up…"

:::::

"Celestia, you've received an unusual letter from Twilight Sparkle."

The snow-white unicorn levitated the scroll aforementioned by a baffled Luna, reading Twilight's reencounters of the day's chaotic events. To Luna's great surprise, Princess Celestia chuckled affably, shaking her head and lay the parchment to the side. "Oh Luna, it seems my beloved student has discovered the dangers of a certain bean." Luna cocked her head to one side, staring up in bewilderment at her amused older sister.

"Um, what exactly does that mean?"

"Let's just say that I want you to always read the label when you come across a bag of brown powder."


End file.
